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Wisdoh?

Wisdoh (wiz-d’oh) is a short-form literary genre. You know, like haiku or limerick, but without any silly line and syllable restrictions. Undeniably, it is the best way to describe your shortcomings, screw-ups, faux pas, epic fails, temporary loss of intelligence, or anything that rapidly deteriorates into a socially awkward situation.

Self-deprecation is highly encouraged.

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Acquiring Wisdoh

There’s only one way to achieve Wisdoh, and it involves three simple steps:

1. Do something.

2. Find out that it was stupid.

3. Now you know.

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The Format

A typical Wisdoh consists of two parts:

  1. Title.
    A direct aftermath of your action. Don’t tell the reader what you’ve done, but rather what happened afterwards. Keep it short.
  2. Explanation.
    A note to self, if you will. Describe the situation in a couple of sentences, but leave a little room for imagination. Let the reader connect the dots.
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Example

You: I desperately need some Listerine.

Your reader: ?

You: If you absolutely must unclog your toilet – do yourself a favor, and plunge with your mouth closed.

Your reader: I see what you did there.

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This leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

If you absolutely must unclog your toilet, do yourself a favor and plunge with your mouth closed. Just trust me on this one.

I’m going shopping. For new window curtains.

When you feel compelled to attempt lighting your farts on fire to impress your girlfriend (science!) - stay away from flammables, and keep an extinguisher handy. Just in case.

I’m being chased down the street by a woman I’ve just been introduced to.

Wipe that stupid smile off your face, and take the words "So... when are you due?" out of your vocabulary. She's not pregnant. And you're dead.

There’s a major cleanup operation in my bathroom.

Have you seen that TV commercial where they flush a bunch of golf balls down the toilet? For some reason, attempting to replicate it at home seemed like a good idea at the time.

So I have a strange feeling that I’m not going to get that job.

It happens to the best of us, but it's in your best interest to make sure that your fly is zipped up before you go to a job interview.

I’m not getting married again.

The institution of marriage has lost its meaning when my date introduced herself. "I'm your ex-wife's ex-husband's ex-wife", she said. Think about it.

I’m missing an incisor.

Resist the urge to kiss a woman while she’s having an orgasm! She’s prone to sudden moves. Her teeth might turn out to be stronger than yours, and you will have a hard time trying to explain the damage to your dentist.

If you need me – I’m on the floor, bleeding.

Always tie your shoelaces. That's all I have to say.

Did you say I need stitches on my head, doctor?

Everyone enjoys jumping on a bed once in awhile. Not everyone is aware of a spinning ceiling fan directly above it.

So I’ve managed to get escorted out of an airplane.

Do not fall for a temptation to joke with airline security people! Turns out, they utterly lack any hints of sense of humor.

I just woke up. It’s not pretty.

I'm not sure how else to put it, so I'll just say it. Don't take a sleeping pill and a laxative together. Just don't, okay?

© Wisdoh

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