Wipe that stupid smile off your face, and take the words “So… when are you due?” out of your vocabulary. She’s not pregnant. And you’re dead.
Everyone enjoys jumping on a bed. Not everyone is aware of a spinning ceiling fan directly above it.
When you feel compelled to attempt lighting your farts on fire to impress your girlfriend (science!) – stay away from flammables, and keep an extinguisher handy. Just in case.
Resist the urge to kiss a woman while she’s having an orgasm! She’s prone to sudden moves. Her teeth might turn out to be stronger than yours, and you will have a hard time trying to explain the damage to your dentist.
I’m not sure how else to put it, so I’ll just say it. Don’t take a sleeping pill and a laxative together. Just don’t, okay?